frustration taken out.....

small coke work done for my self...

stylised...!!!

playing with a picture of a friend.... :p

blake lively...in lil diffrent pose

a tshirt design created by me........

fallen so hard........

I met u in college....

who you were , from where were u had no knowledge

gradually became friends in 2nd year

because you liked my friend and that was clear......

you shed ed so many tears

and, i was there throughout 2 remove your fears.......

but, in this process we started liking each-other

as we were always together

so, gradually we started dating one another.......

but time went by and things dint work out

we became friends and about this situation we decided to keep our mouths shut..............

you again became my friend.........

like same old trend.........

but, for some time i became busy...

you used to call but i behaved rudely...

so after some time you stopped calling....

i felt weired and my mind started rolling.......

i started missing you

and became scared of loosing you.......

i realized you were important to me.....

n i cant afford to loose you at any means...

we truly where like tom and jerry...

as we fought and fought , but i knew if i get hurt you would be there to carry.....

so there i was saying i love you.....

and you holding my hand and saying " ill be there for you".....

but this was the scene before you ignored me....

n now times have changed and you specially.....

i really thought that i would end up with you.....

but you were busy thinking about someone else n i had no clue......

u made me fall for you....

and now i have fell so hard that i dont know who is true.....

now i am hoping that i get through......

one day ill get up and sky will be again bright n blue......

my first love.........

he was loving.........

he was caring..............

he was the first one to touch my heart deeply................

he taught me the meaning of love.....

he was the first one whome i loved unconditionaly ( and will always do )............

no body can replace him....

i know after reading all these lines...u must be feeling ...that m talking about some random guy........

But, no.. !! m not........

I am talking about a man whos age was around 40.............

he was my dad..........and "HE" was my first love.......he taught me how to love and that is true....he was the most handsome man i had ever seen...i dont understand that why does a guy whome u date has to be ur first love....why cant ur parents be........

N i am proud to say ...that i loved n love my dad more than anyother guy who has come in my lyf.....as he is actualy the one who loved me unconditionaly......i learnt how to love unconditionaly from him...

i remmember we used to say "luv u" when ever we used to keep the phone down....But, today hes not there with me physicaly...n i do miss him......

But still i know he is around me...nd taking care of me at every step....

today i wanna talk about him.....

Nd this one is dedicated to my father ( my first love....)

he was one person...who used to fullfill all my wishes .... even if i had said that in a very low voice.....i remmember on night he stayed back in his factory...just bcoz...he had forgoten to buy a tent house for me..and he knew that i would be waiting and he could not look into my broken eyes , as he had promised me that he will bring it....so he stayed back and first thing in the morning he went n bought that tent house and then came back home.......

this is how he used to love....n m realy realy proud to have him in my life...even if it ws nt fr a long time....but m pretty sure none other person could have been a better father to me......i remmember ..when he used to get back home...i used to sit in his lap...and tell him everything that happend in the day...n no matter how tired he maybe...he used to lisent with full attention...givin me feedbacks... n scolding any body how had teased me during the day...even my mom....

i can say that very confidently....that even if god would hav offered me "to have some one else as my father and live wth him forever " i would have not even thought twice in choosing my father again....as i dont care if he is not here physicaly....but his memories are enough to give me strenght....he was n is a very special part of my life.......

my life would have been totaly different if he would'nt have been a part of it.......or i would have been a different person if he would not have been a part of it.......

i miss him badly...i miss his touch .....his smell.....his smile......his voice...........but i am still very lucky ....as he was atleast a part of my life once......even in his last year when he was in africa.....he used to specialy mail me....that how much he misses me.....that he wants me to work realy hard in life....

i personaly have not seen any dad around me being so conserned about their children.......i am not judging any body...but.....i know i was one of the lucky people who got this opportunity to have such a great person in his/her life.......

in the end .....i just wanna say it out loud........that i still realy love you dad.....u have been n u will be one of the most special people in my life.....it has been 7 years now......but every memory of urs is still so fresh in me......i just cant remember ur voice......but ...i can manage.....as i have ur smile, ur hug , ur smell there in my memory.....

i love you dad.............

mistakes are just part of life......

Its almost 4:30 in the morning and i cant sleep......there is one thing that is bugging me....

so, i decided to write ...today m gonna talk about "mistakes"........todays blog is specially dedicated to people who think that once they have made a mistake then nothing can be done about it......

Believe me people nothing in this world is un-rectifiable...i dont know if this word exists in the dictionary or not...but its true that.....

if you make mistake , then it was meant to be .... not to make you feel miserable about your own self but to teach you something....so that u dont do it again......if somebody learns from someone else's mistake that person is saint , but if somebody learns from his/hers mistake then that person is "intelligent".....you should learn from it.....not decide to just leave the thing in which u made that mistake......

i know that everybody has set limits for him/herself and when you cross that limit then you realize that you have made a mistake ( which then carry forward to feeling guilty about your own self.....) some people might start hating them self....some people might just run from this kind of situation for life long......

But seriously do you think its rite ? do you think hating your self is the solution ? do you thinking running from same situations like the one in you made that mistake is rite?

if you cant answer then let me do it for you.......ITS NOT THE ANSWER !!

facing it and rectifying it is the answer......thats true that you cant bring the moment back.....but at-least you can move forward and in future if situation like this happens you can rectify it........

seriously , life is too short to hate yourself or crib on something or feel a guilt about your own self........atleast i have learnt this thing from my grandmother how to live life to the fullest.....you never know what is gonna happen in next one minute....

and if you continue to carry all these negative feelings about your own self....you will even block anything good that could have happened to you....

dont do that atleast to your own self......

even if thousand people come to u and say that" what ever you have done was not wrong" ...or "please move on its ok to make mistakes...." ...it wont help .....as until and unless you forgive yourself all these things wont matter......please grow from inside .... please be loving towards your ownself.....as if you dont love yourself how can anybody else....

ask your own self can you respect anybody who does not respect him/herself........no ! you cant !....its very difficult !

dont make life difficult for your own self.....just think we are here to accomplish something...everybody has to do something in his life and then that person takes an exit ......

dont just let your life suffer for one mistake that you have made......you owe it you your life, to your loved ones , to your sole and most importantly TO YOU !!!

i just hope that after reading this ...you have gained lil positive attitude towards life.....and if you believe that whatever i have said is rite...

Then before signing off for once say " I LOVE YOU" and say "I FORGIVE YOU" to your own self.....and see how you feel....

as if you love yourself and you forgive yourself , then everybody around you would love you...and everything would become normal....even the mistakes that you have made would just vanish....

in the end i just wanna say it again.....

that " life is to short to hate yourself or to crib about something "

sakshi...... :)

A change in me......

yesterday night i was talking to a friend of mine...and while talking only she commented ,that "sakshi i am seeing alot of change in you..." ...

that got me into thinking and i realised that yes i have changed maybe for good , maybe for bad...that i dont know...but what i know is that i have grown up a bit.....

today i wanna talk about" how by every experience of life you learn a bit "... believe me every little thing that happens in life teaches you something or the other....maybe at that moment we wont be able to see it...but there is a growth that takes place inside....

....

in with in one year i have lost many people important to me....first i lost my dog(the best dog ever...she was almost a friend to me...i was just 7-8 years old when she came..

...

she used to actually play "ghar ghar" with me...believe me she was "the cutest"....and the daughter my mother ever wanted..(i know it sounds funny , but she was nt like a dog in our family ...she was a family...she used to agree what ever my mom used to tell her...

she was too intelegent to even get trained..) ...and in the end we had to give her injection to release her from all the pain....she got relieved...but we can not over come the guilt of killing the same baby we brought to take care of....

then my grandfather(he was a man of honer...he was the most disciplined person i had ever seen... he was an navy officer....he was the most well dressed person i had seen in 20 years as he did not go out of house in causals ever..even when he was in his 70s

and i lost him to.....

and then my grandmother ( she was one person i fought with the most and loved the most....she was like a guardian , a protector, decision maker of the whole family...i mean i have seen many daadis they are much busy in their own lifes ,either praying or doing yoga etc what ever old people do...but mine was busy in dancing on the tune of songs like" kanta laga or bidi jalile " etc...she was into eating junk food, parting...she was like a kid in old womens body...she had and ability of binding the whole family together and act as a guardian and as well as acting like a kid when ever she wanted to...)

...............

all these expirences have brought a change that i can feel and see in me....i know that now there is no one to look out for me or my family like my grandmother did...and that has brought a growth in me.....all these experiences have made me more confident...as now i have to take my own decisions...have made me more matured...as now i know what do i want in life.....

...

and now i know that it is time to carry forward the things that i have learnt form every relationship and the experience of life....like..

*i have learnt to love unconditionally maybe from my dog ....

*.i have learnt to be up beat n happy n confident from my grandmother....she has also taught how to live life to the fullest ......

* i have learnt to keep morals and set rules for my own self from my grandfather.......

i have learnt a lot from all these experiences...n believe me even a small thing that happens in life , only happens to teach you some thing....

its true, that i do feel a pain like somebody is poking a needle i your skin , when ever i think that i wont be able to see these people ever in my life...(and believe me while even writing this line i choked a bit)....its awful...but it is one truth that we humans never accept......

...

but believe me it was just to make you learn more.....and it was the best thing that could have happened ..i know it seems weired to call it a best thing ....but seriously there are many things worst than this that could have happened that we cant even imagine...

.....

i am writing this just to share something that i feel .... its not necessary that everybody would think in same manner.....

but, "its better to have positive thinking ...rather than having negative thinking and cribbing all your life"....

in the end ...i wanna thank you for stopping by and reading my blog.....please do comment as it gives me inspiration to rite more .... criticism is also appreciated.....

sakshi :)

i know you love me too.....

"some people come for season...some people come for reason..but some people come for life time....."

this is a line my best friend told me ..when i dint even know what is a friend....

...........

yes i am pretty sure everybody has had a friend....but a true best friend is something out of this world...that person comes into your life...and everything becomes bright....i have my bestfriend...she is one person..who has changed my way of seeing life....i can fight with her, i can cry infront of her, i can be whatever i want to be without even thinking twice....surely everybody has expirienced that.....i mean those endless talks on phone (even when our parents are giving the scariest looks..that makes you feel that they can actually eat u from their eyes) still u cant stop talking , gigling, laughing....

.and those nite stays when all your emotions are at their peek ( and then the tuffest time of your life seem to be nothing infornt of the comfort , care and affection of your best friend..) ...there are times when nobody can understand why are you two laughing...its just u two who can understand.....

.today is not a special day.....just a usual day...but as in the morning i did something because of which she(my best friend) thought i dont think she loves me.....so, i was filled with emotions n thought of takin it out.....seriously ...its nothing like i dont know she loves me...i know it very well..i do act stupid sometimes...but its just because i know she loves me...

she is like my magic specks if i look at any problem through her...the problem vanishes....she is very small in size but when somebody even thinks of hurting me , he/she pays real bad.......this relation can never be broken...no single word or thing can break it..until its true n love that you share is from heart.......even when you meet everyday...still there is a rush of happiness when ever u see that person....no day is normal with your best friend...everyday has some or the other memory..that you cant forget throughout........ if somebody hasnt got his or her best friend / sole sister(the way we call it)...then i would just say that you are missing a real big thing in ur life.....coz believe me this one person would be there with you no matter wat......lovers are important.....but nothing can replace a best friend....(coz you do need a best friend to discuss your lover n your love life.. :) ).......

*as a best friend is not the one who picks u up when you fall down infront of many people ... she is the one who sits with you on the floor so that you dont get embarrassed in front of everybody....

*she is not the one who says that i am always there....she is the one who is there when things are worng...( as saying and doing is the only difference between a friend and a true friend).....

*she is not the one who supports you when you are crying....she is the one who hugs you and crys with you feeling your pain...

*and she is not the one who says m going to" xyz's home " to her boyfriend or to any other person....she is the one who says m going home.......(as even your place is her home....)........

best friend is one word that means alot to me......n today m dedicating my first blog to my bestst friend.....who has all the qualities that are there above.....n just to tell her that i love you and i know you love me 2..... :D
may god bless you....
sakshi :)